Borat Page 3
"Blowjob", is 'NiteclubSuperfuck'. Locate convenient exactly halfway betweens two major cities, Astana and Almaty, this fantastics discotheque have recent open again after incident with
foam-filleddancingfloor, which DID NOTdrownthoseschoolgirls. Itveryfuntime-youmustgoing!
NiteclubSuperfuck is part of entertainment empire of Gangster FrankieBiletbayev-you must surely have hear of him? He have Cadillac, 5 bodyguard and famous girlfriend with
shave pussy! He have just open his second venues in Astana, name Club Elegance, where you
can buy western luxury drink, Baileys! Everybody rich come there because they want to drink
this delicious Baileys - it like liquids gold in Kazakhstan! If you want passport quick...bottle of Baileys! If you want Government Permit to crush gypsy village....bottle of Baileys! If you want someone 'disappear'...bottle of Baileys! Gangster Frankie Biletbayev drink bottle of Bailevs
every single day! D
NITECLUB SUPERFUCK
ADDRESS
Alrnaty 1294 kilometre, Astana 1287 kilometre. Taxi fare from Alrnaty or Astana approximate 2 US Dollar (please allowing 40 day for journey).
ADMISSIONS PRICES
Adults - 6,000,000 Tenge Children under 6 free if accompanied by adult.
ENTRANCES POLICY
* Dresscode - Mens smartly casualed, womens with muzzle, minoos antipants
* Alcohols - In no circumstance can alcohols be drink by peoples younger
than 12 years (unless it bought for them by a man of 40 years or older).
* Drugs - Bringings controlled substance is strict prohibit. Doorman will conduct thorough search on entry - including anoos and vagine - and if
any is found they will be confiscate. Once inside, Rohypnol OR roofies can be purchase from the vendings machines.
OTHER VENUES FOR WITNESS POPULAR MUSICS
Other Popular Musics venues in Kazakhstan includes the Hueylewis Stadium (East sector current close after collapse - please contact venue for update) and Astana Funworld Resort Town.
ADMISSIONS PRICES
These is vary on venue. Example of prices
at Hueylewis Stadium is 50,000,000
> Tenge for seat in good part, 8,000,000
Tenge for seat in part comdemned for
structure problem. For Astana Funworld,
entertainments is include - see section
on this for rates.
CODES OF BEHAVIOURS
Just like in West, j t j S forbid for people at concerts to make urines in a bottles and throw them at popular muzik artist. If you wish to do this, you must make purchase bottles containing pisses from the bar. Also, just like in US and A the front of crowd at Kazakh venue is crazy mosh pit, where you is likely to get bumped, made sweaty, or have your anoos broken. Why not!?
XYAOKHMKM KA3AX HAPOflHOfi MY3blKM KATETOPHM HOT
KAZAKH ARTISTS OF MUSIC CATEGORY 'POPULAR MUSIC
Kazakhstan have two popstar of international caliber - Popstar Billy Sexcrime and of course, Korki Butchek:
KORKI BUTCHEK
Korki Butchek do not really needing introducings - everyone knowing of him,
everyone knowing of his musics. But in case you is a retard who have forget, or a women who has been keep from information, here is a some facts on him.
Korki Butchek was born since 1950 in capital city Astana. He always most proficient at musical abilities and by age 28 could play chords A, A# and G# on a guitars.
Sorry ladies, but Korki have wife - in facts he have two wife - in 2003 he marry twins age 12 who were big fannies of his (in Kazakh law, a wife must be age at least 16. This age can be achieve by just one wife, or by the combine ages of two or more wife).
When he not perform his songs, Korki also appear as judge on televiski programme, Kazakh Idol. We have copied the American show exactly. We have two judges - one an angry homosexual, the other is Korki who
paint his face chocolate colour. And between the two judges just like in American version sit a prostitute - and when someone is sing a song that is a boring, the prostitute give them both hand-party. For peoples
watching at home, it look like she is climbing
ladder! By the ways, I have looked the US show and find this Paula Abdul very nice -just thinking about her now had make me turgid. In addition this, Korki also do much charitys work - most weekends you can find him at one of the several orphanages he is not banned from, helping tuck into beds and comfort the small boys. All this is just for half of the year - just like western popstar, Korki Butchek is international jetter-setter. He spend six month of year in Kazakhstan and other six month in Phillipines. I know what you are think - but no, you are wrong! He do not go there for sunshines and delicious foods. He is a sex tourist - he like the young ones! Why not!!?
He now number one recording artist in all of Kazakh history, with releasings of almost
4780 album. For 3128 of these, he write the song and do the sing himself and for 1652, he have change the name and face on Western recording and say that it is him that have do it. If you listen to his singings, you will instant recognize the influence on his sound of Yilkun Yamaratov, Selki Krolp and Jeffrey. Here is some examplings of his albums you will enjoy:
fcfc
%
^f9t
l i£i
/
ea
These is pirate recordings Korki have stolen
Do not be scare! These chocolate faces is actual not cookings Korki! They is pretendings in order for make photograph for his 3,027th albums cover.
This recording contain his international number one s m ashhit 'Bing Bang'! Here is the words for you to learning and enjoys!
VERSE ONE
BING, BANG, BING, BANG, BING Didilee didilee di di di di di di di di Bing bang bing bang bing Didilee didilee di di di di di di di di Kicheribeshme!
42
VERSE TWO
BING, BANG, BING, BANG, BING Didilee didilee di di di di di di di di Bing bang bing bang bing Didilee didilee di di di di di di di di Kicheribeshme!
VERSES THREE, FOUR, FIVE AND SIX
BING, BANG, BING, BANG, BING Didilee didi'ee di di di di di di di di
Bing bang bing bang bing Didilee didilee di di di di di di di di Kicheribeshme!
^
ffWMPnHg
«iy
hhcm iiTb ;yio • pnaB • bicpfm yKe*r
pnaB jut -Kerya HTb bicpi'm • ,n
HTb ojio hhcm • hhcm • an pnaB
bin kt ujiiTb -yKear mm.3
■ -—"-
• BILLY SEXCR I M E
Other recording artist of Kazakhstan you will surely enjoying is of course Popstar Billy Sexcrime, who had international successes with his discosong, 'it a int gonna bite ya!'
MHflyCTPMfl TELEVISKIKA3AXCTAH
• INDUSTRY TELEVISKI OF KAZAKHSTAN
While you is visit glorious nation of Kazakhstan, there is many reason that sometime you may wish not to go outside, but instead stay in a room and watch televiski programmings
- maybe there have been explode of local nuclear plant? Maybe there is particular
naughty rapist on loose? Or maybe you have do a rape yourself and do not wish to pay
a fine? Who knows what? I cannot tell - but whatever reasons, you will be delight to
know that in 9 years since it start, industry televiski and moviefilm of Kazakhstan is
these days most impressive and do surely has a wide varietys of programming to pleasing
all viewings. Here is some of them you can current watchings in Kazakhstan:
KAZAKH BIG BROTHER
This is Kazakh version of popular Western programme, where 20 peoples is locked in a room and constant filmed. They has been in there for 5 years now - 8 of them has die and all of the 12 womens has now had 3 childrens each. This result of Producer Azamat Bagatov's idea to put Urkin The Rapist inside the room! Great success! After Urkin appear
in my moviefilm, he now the second most famous celebrity sex-criminal in all Kazakhstan after Popstar Billy Sexcrime.
GYPSY BINGO
This is most popular daytimes gameshow where 25 gypsies has numbers put on their backs and contestants of show then has to guess which of them will succeed in cross a minefield.
If number of gypsy a contestant pick do not cross alive, then contestant wins nothings and has to go home. Some people say this programme cruel, but I do not think so - there should be no guarantee of win a prize- It making things more excite!
KAZAKHSTAN'S NEXT TOP PROSTITUTE
It every Kazakh father's dream to have his little girl be contestant in this brand new realitys show. Host by Kazakhstan's most respected and successful prostitute ever, Ludmilla
Nazarbamshev (that correct - she Premier's sister!), each week the contestants is teach a different act of sexytime, which at end of show they all has to performs on each of the three judges (aktor Viktor Hotelier, popstar Korki Butchek and top football star of US and
A, OJ Simpsons) and whichever girl do worst has to leave show. What they is taught has
increasings skill as series is progress - it start with simple handparty, then vagine-sex, then mouth-sex, then nose-sex and so ons, until in final week, in special live show, the two girls left is used in the small hole by Premier Nazarbamshev himself, who then choose who is the viktor. Winning girl receive a trophy, 10,000,000,000 Tenge and free repair to her anoos, which will have been broken by the mighty phenis of our leader.
45
_.
_________
njlEHKAKMHOETO KA3AXCTAH MH/yCTPM M
INDUSTRY KAZAKHSTAN
Kazakhstan current has a very thrive industry of moviefilm productions and since great success of my moviefilm, "Borat", we has proved to world that we has all the knowledges and facility need to make a blockbusterings movies. Infacts, my Government would like take this opportunity to invite all Hollywood Studio Monguls to come make your moviefilms in Kazakhstan! There is many reason why - varied locations, beautiful sceneries
and hardest working 7-year-olds in all Central Asia. Also, Kazakh Industry of Filmmakings
makes deploy only most experienced peoples and very best equipments - for examples, our senior Producer, Azamat Bagatov, have in his 30 year career, watched over SEVEN moviefilms and our magnificent 13mm Krasnogorsk camera have on only 12 occasion eat fj| m during its entire first
80 years of operations. Plus, why paying crazy Hollywoods prices for your specials effects? If you need 30,000 people di e in a battle scene, explosion of nuclear reactor, or tiger to be release in kindergarten, we can arranging all these things for real - for a
fractions of the cost.
Please don't just taking my words for it that Kazakh moviefilms is a knees of the bees, while you is here visiting, you must go look on some - take your special ladies! Cinema very romantic in Kazakhstan and just like in West, it the back row of the movies where many girls is raped for the first time! Here some current moviefilms I think you will like for viewjngs in Kazakh cinemascreens
MOVIEFILM 'ATTACK OF THE JEW CLAW
(OPPOSITE)
Based on a true events that happen 30 year ago, this film is about a particular bad jew, from Almaty jewtown, who make his wife open equivalent of western nail salon for trim the claws of other jews. The bad jew would then make a soup from the clippings and drink it, which cause
his own claws to grow so big and powerful that eventual he was able to cut through the fence of jewtown with them and terrorize nearby villages. Since this events, it has been forbid for any jew to do a manicures in Kazakhstan.
HELP! THERE'S A JEW IN MY KITCHEN!'
This moviefilm about a brave Kazakh man, who, one mornings went to market, where he buy 3 live squirrels for feed his family. He take them home and place them inside cupboard in his kitchen and then he have a sleep. That evening when he wake, he was a hungry, so
he go to the fields where his wife was pull plow and bring her home, where he chain her in kitchen to cook for him. She open the cupboard to get out the 3 delicious squirrels her husband had purchase, but to her horrors, she discover that they was in fact 3 jews who had shift their shapes in order to get inside house and steal moneys. She try to escape, but could not because of her chains. Her husband, however, manage to run away to get help, but when he return, it too late - the jews had disappear, his wife was dead and worse of all, he had nothing for his belly to eat. This moviefilm also true story.
M W-»
CfaMdF flOHCKOH ilEHMPOTOMMAET-
no ccbv 30Pflqa awno/ina hmtpoa
napeHMfl PEWTC«3Aa fleaflToro nnqam
njlEHKAKMHOErO KA3AXCTAH MHflyCTPM M
• INDUSTRY MOVIEFILM KAZAKHSTAN
If you is a little scaredycats for watch these films on jews, then why not instead watching.
mi
WHAT
A NICE
LAUGHTER'
This moviefilm a rape-comedy starring Kazakhstan's number one actor comedic, 'Walter'. It light hearted story of some naughty schoolgirls who is told they has a terminal plague by a doctor (Walter), who then violates them in small hole. This obvious not a true story (although Walter has made violations of schoolgirls in real lifes!).
'KING CHRAM'
Moviefilm that star Kazakhstan's number one celebrity, animal actor, Jonny The Monkey. He, of course, star of children's favourite, "Transibiersky Ekspress" and many many hundreds of other pornos.
Incidental, please do not thinking it cruel that Jonny The Monkey is star of pornos* - it his idea! One time, when he was actor on children's televiski puppet programme, "The Dead Animals Who Can Talk", he become very angry and tear off the deep sea diver costume he was wearings. He then grabbed a puppet made from a taxiderm rabbit and made a rape and masturbation of it, before he pull off its arms and legs and throw it (and some of his shits) back at the little _girl who was operate it. We think he had become angry because diver helmet he was wearing meant he could not smoke the cigarettes he like so much! Whatever reason, when this programmes was broadcast two week later, his sexytime with rabbit was a great success with the childrens and it was decide to make him star of real
pornos, with real ladies! He have since make 478 of them!
TECHNOLOGY CARTOONOLOGIK
Kazakhstan has also very recent invent a new technology of film which have drawings that moves! First one of this moviefilm is
name, "The Animals Who Can Talk". It have a dog who can talk, a pig who can
talk, a cow who can talk, a bear who can
talk, a horse who can talk, a goat who can talk and a wolf who cannot talk. Second moviefilm this category feature Kazakh comicsbook superhero, "Astounding Woman". She amazing! She have 12 magnificent long breast (5 front, 5 back, and 2 under) that produce sufficient milk for make 25 kilogram of cheese a day and she so strong she can pull a plow for 7 days and 7 nights without food or rest! Also, her vagine so big that she can give birth to 14 sons at one time and her brain so powerful for a woman, that at end of her working day, she can actual lock her own cage.
* Please noting that since this was write, Jonny The Monkey is no longer star of pornos, since he have tragic been crush in motorcycle accident and is now dead. It not a problem, as Kazakhstan has receive a new Jonny The Monkey as gift from National Zoo of China. We thanking you Chinas.
48
m
^■■—JfciiiiiimHi
3
KAZAKH MQVIETHEATRE
Most of them now has modern western facilities, includings secure pens at the back where you can chain your wives during screening and also, if you need make a shits during moviefilm, most theatres now has a gypsy boy with a box in the foyer. Please be advise that most Kazakh moviefilms contains scenes of actual murder, graphics penetration (includings small hole) and most foul cursings and so is unsuitable for those under age 3. Also, if you is concerned about anti-semitism, every effort is taken to include plenty of it, but it ca
nnot always be guaranteed.
■ ^iswwwwraiiiiiiiiiwiiw wigwwwwpwpi
hiaba
SECTOR OF VOLUME
JBb&L HHsk
EATINGS AND ORINKINGS
IN KAZAKHSTAN •
ESSENTIAL DESTINATIONS TOURISTIC • VICTOR HOTELIER'S SHOPCITY • KAZAKH FESTIVALS •
KAZAKH SYSTEM CURRENCY*
GLORIOUS I hi DUSJI
MB
EflA M nMTbE
• EATINGS AND DRINKINGS In KAZAKHSTAN
Foods and drinks is very import in Kazakhstan - most peoples like to eat at least 3 meals EVERY week. Do not be scare about come f r0 m West nation and find nice things for eat here - modern Kazakhstan has now a very vary diets and there is 28 differents food! These is horse face, horse anoos, horse eye, plov, horse nose, horse vagine, horse ear, horse phenis, horse tail, horse tongue, horse testes, horse teeth, horse stomatche, horse fur, eagle, horse brain, horse pipes, horse tit, horse dirty, pig, horse bone, horse lung, horse sweat, bear, horse spit, horse arm, horse chin, potato and horse middle. Here is some delicious Kazakh meats you must try during your visitings:
I*
set
m
1. HORSE CHRAM This one of most tasty part of horse. Before buying a horse at market for slaughter, it is usual to put this in your mouth for see if he will be a delicious one. Best eat fried then dipped in red soup ketchups.
2. HORSE TESTES SATCHEL This the
childrens treat and when a horse have been slaughter, they like to play footballs with it for maybe two hour before bring it back to their mother who will cut it up for them to eat raw.
3. HORSE ANOOS Another de iicacy - very nice if stuffed with a live rat and then put in a fire to cook for 1 hour.
4. HORSE TAIL Very nice chopped and mixed with plov and cheese. The hairs makes very tickle in the throat!