Borat Read online

  Arnold The Barbarian

  • Everyone in US and A can vote, including Chocolate Faces, although their votes is not actually counted.

  Hillary Clintons is hopes to be Premier again in 2008. Here she is with a basketball player.

  This Arnold celebrating victory in battle to be Governor of California in 2003 I do not know where his chram and testes are? Perhaps he is play the game wnere you place them between your legs and pretend to be a girl?

  - -v

  HI ABA

  SECTOR OF

  OYS

  REDlNDlANs •

  CHOCOLATE FACES*

  AMERICAN WOMEnS •

  LOOlee LooLEES •

  THE JEW*

  filOAM MCA M A

  • THE PEOPLES OF US AND A

  When you travellings to US and A, you will notice many, many things that is different to Kazakhstan, for examples, EVERY town has electricity - and for more than two hours a day! Dogs in US and A is used for companion. It ridiculous! In Kazakhstan, they are for use as garnish for horse dish, for sexytime and to clean a man's anoos with tongue. And it true, Americans has riches beyond your wildest dreams - with some families eatings a Micdonalds Hamboorger every single month! But biggest differences of all that you will see is the peoples who lives in US and A - they are strange! There is three type of them, Redmdians. Chocolate Faces and Cowboys (also, there is jew, homosexual and woman, but I will dealing with these separate).

  • COWBOYS

  In Kazakhstan, 'cowboy' is name give to a child with nuclear retardation who is born with black and white fur on his body and six tit on his stomatche. In US and A, Cowboys (also known as 'Vanilla Faces' ) is most common of all Americans tribes.

  Here i am dress as American Cowboy for time when I sing at a rodeo. This is type of circus where a man try to take a horses virgin for the first time.

  HERE SOME FASCINATINGS FACT ABOUT COWBOY

  • Most commons names of Cowboys is Trevor, Geoffrey and Phillip

  • Cowboys lives all across US and A, but highest concentrations is m Dodge City, Redneck and San Franciscos

  • Some of famous cowboys includes Mighty Warlord George Walter Bush, Hero Johnwayne and Madonna

  From my observations, cowboys has phenis size average 15.4 centimetre. Here is some photograph I have take of them making urines.

  This man would not tell me his name.

  This man would not tell me his name either.

  For discover more about cowboys, I would suggesting that you look on the moviefilm,

  Brokeback Mountains. I have hear rumounngs that it have undercurrents homosexual nature,

  but I think this just anti-west communist propagandas. I have see it many many time and I see no evidence that the two men who p u t their chrams in each other's anoos is just strong

  friends

  Cowboys is real men, very dangerous

  This man's name is Laurence. He was very friendly - he invite me back his house where he give me massage and we have Jacuzzi. It was nice!

  • REDINDIANS

  Redmdians is second most usual peoples to see in US and A. They lives in a special type of pointed

  tent, called a casino. For many year people have say they are a bad peoples who attacks vanilla faces for

  no reason - but I think they are nice!* This is what typical Redmdian is look like! For many year, you could go to US and A and have a very much funtime

  shooting these Redmdians, but I recent discover that it now illegal. I would, once again, like to take this opportunity to apologize to the staff of the Potatwatomi Casino in Kansas. I did not know! There was no sign!

  HERE IS SOME MOST INTERESTINGS FACT ON THESE REDlNDlAN

  • Do not believe reports that Red Indians do not perform 'scalping' anymore. I met a Red Indian in a bar 'Hank's Place' in New York and when he removed

  his trousers in the bathroom, I notice that his pussyfur had been scalped.

  • Favourite drink of Redindians is delicious fruit cordial name Mountain Dew.

  • Most common names of Redmdians is Sitting Michael and Running William. • Famous Redindians includes Mowgli, John Rambo and Apu.

  • Redindians lives in tribes - the most common is Commanches. Apache and Wu Tang Clang.

  • CHOCOLATE FACES

  As everybody knows, Kazakhstan have for many year now had community of people with chocolate colour skin - his name Gogol The Clown and everybody love him He live m Almaty and sometime appear in Kazakh State Circus where the childrens like to marvel at his appearance and touch his magical hair. Can you imagine my surpnsmgs when I arrive in US and A and discover that there is over 1000 peoples here just like Gogol' My friend Azamat joked that America is like William Wonka's Chocolate Face Manufacturing Plant! And good news is, just like Gogol The Clown, they is also very nice and very friendly - infacts, they my favorite Americans people!

  Redmdian of year 2007. This man will probably have between 15 and 20 wife.

  * Please ignore this remarks. Since first writings of these Redmdians, I have hear some very sad news. My friend Viktor Hotelier tell me that he see on television that Hero Johnwayne was attack by Redindians, who shoot him with arrows and that he now dead.

  if you also want look on this Chocolate Face man, I see him in Los Angeles, Cahfornias, near to the gasoline shop named Exxon

  HERE IS SOME USEFUL FACT ON CHOCOLATE FACE AMERICANS

  • Young Chocolate Face mens ' hangs out' in groups that is call 'pussys'. Not anyone can join - one time I ask a young Chocolate Face if I could have entry to his pussy and he was a very angry and tell me 'NO!'

  • DO NOT attempt make purchase of a Chocolate Face American - this was make illegal in 1987

  • For relaxation times, Chocolate Face Americans likes to make popular music with instrument name ' banjo' .

  • Famous American Chocolate Faces includes Edward Murphy, Lionel Ritchies, Alan Jolsons, Banjoman Louis Armstrong and the Fresh Princes of Bellairs

  •Chocolate Face Americans lives all across the US and A, although best place for go to and look on them is Sesame Street in New York City

  • Most popular name of Chocolate face community is Colin

  • Chocolate Face Americans hates going on aeroplanes

  • Chocolate Faces very much like discodancmg. Their favourite dancing is name 'The Robots'

  • They has chocolate colour over entire body - not just hands and face

  Here I am dress as five typical American mens

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  l/-» Gv-M

  •AMERICAN WOMENS

  If there is one things that everyone already knows about US and A, it is that it home to the most beauitul womens in the word - Pamela CJ Andersons, Liza Minelli, Elizabeth Taylors, Courtney Loves, Dakota Fanning, .. .the listings is endless. But these ladies will not just have a sexytime with any man they have just met (possible exception Courtney Loves) and it not possible to offer their fathers 15 litres of insecticide in exchange for them - in America, in order to gain entry to a lady vagine, you must first do a ritual name 'datings'.

  I did not discover where this little girl lives, since she remained in the urines cubicle for over 4 hours and it become too boring waitings for her emerge

  Yogas class in US and A is very good place for meet pretty ladies.

  It do not matter what you do. they do not run away.

  • DATINGS

  This is formal procedure that you must follow if you want American wife. It very similar to prostitution, except instead of give a woman money directly for sexy-time, you must use the same money to buy her food and presents and when you have reach the right amount she will grant you sexytime.

  It is considered very bad manners m US and A if you do not make you face and ha,r look nice before forcing yourself on a ladies.

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  If you are in Los Angeles and do not have a camera, but still wish to see a lady minoos clothes for make a hand relief, then I recommend look on this apartment. It at t
he junction of 1st Streets and Robinson Streets, address Apt #324, Hamerton Court. The lady who live in there usual appears in just her antipants between hours 6 am and 8:30 am on days Monday to Thursday. She usual do not appear on Fridays mornings because she stay in another place on Thursdays nights - I do not know where, I have try to follow her to discover, but she have a fast motorcar. Best place for spy on her apartment is from behind garbage bins of Mexican restaurant opposites, which is also very useful if you are stay for several hours, because these bins is contain many delicious snackings!

  • AMERICAN PROSTITUTES

  If you are unwilling to spending the time it take to do a datmgs, America has some very nice prostitutes - but most of them very expensive! For price of a hand-party in US and A, in Kazakhstan you could make entry to Premier Nazarbamshev's

  wife....in small hole!

  If you are looking also for a beautiful lady just like this one in photograph, I met her in a bar of New York City called The Cock Ring'. One time I go there and I was very lucky, because there were 50 mens in the club and only one woman - and who did she choose 7 The woman choose me - ladies like Borat! She remind me very much of a Kazakh woman - she had a beautiful long hair, much hair on arms, and some on face, and a voice deeper than mine. I invite her my hotel room. She give me a drink and I must been very tired because I cannot remember what happened after. The next morning, she had disappear and my anoos was hang loose like mouth of tired dog. I cannot explaining why!?

  There is some bargains though - for just 10 US Dollar I receive a most excellent mouth-party from this beautiful lady.

  • AMERICAN PORNOGRAPHY

  If you are on extreme tight budgets and do not wish spending money on prostitutes, there is much excellent pornographys in US and A for make a handparty. Alternative to purchase pornographys, in US and A, there is many opportunity for generate you own sexy photos.

  I have calculate that best time to photograph a girl minoos most clothing is 1 minute and 17 seconds after she have enter changmgs cubicle

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  ^_

  Here I am hide behind a plants pot from a gypsy who has shrunk me. No I am not! It is the plant pot that is big and I have not actual been shrunk! These pots is in Tixas and is a good place from which to launch ambush on any pretty ladies who walks past

  I discover that for some reason it forbid to make photographs of ladies in store name Abertcrombies and Fitchs. This very confusing as there is no sign to say so! All other place is legal.

  Adva ntage of women us a nd a

  • Appearance - compare to Kazakh womens. American ladies is very beautiful -they has more hair on head than body, their tits grows only on front not back also and

  they has teeth only on inside of their mouths

  • Sexytime - America is one of the 7 greatest countries in the world. Not just because it have very powerful army, and mighty leaders, but also because it is inventor of

  1 position blowjob'. Since my return to Kazakhstan I have spread knowledge of this. It a very convenient way for achieve liquid explosion as there no need to remove wife from cage.

  •Pubis - very few american womens has pubis -they is trained to remove it themselves and do not need Shepherd. I do not know what then happens to it, since I have not seen any for sale in American shops. It must all This is American red pubis, be export, unless it removed because of recent nuclear If you are lucky enough to leak or infestation of Kratzouli? I have hear rumour that find one, in Kazakhstan it when it grows, some American ladies has pubis of worth more than diamonds. yellow, or even red!

  • Retardation - average occurrence of retardation in family for Kazakh woman is 59%. For American woman it 0.04% - which is problem if you is specific trying to

  breed strange ones for sell to the circus.

  • Weak body - US and A ladies do not have a big muskles, this mean that whenever you need to, it easy to carry them against their will.

  Disadvantage o f women Us and_A

  • Expensive - to keep an American womans may take more money than for a horse! Many of them has been very spoiled and will be use to meals every single day and to sleep indoors at night. Also, because they has so little fur on their bodies it necessary spend more moneys on clothings them in Kazakh winter.

  • Permit to speak - unlike in Kazakhstan, in America, there is no law preventing womens from speaking unless they are SDOken to and consequent they will do a nag

  nag nag nag nag all the times. Very boring.

  • Weak vagines - they would probably break if require to produce more than 18 sons in twelve year period.

  • Weak body - US and A ladies do not have a big muskles, this mean that they will not be so good when require to pull plow

  • Tit Cheese - Cheese made from milk of wife tit best pan of a marriage! US and A ladies are too lazy to make this.

  • AMERICAN lOOLEE LOOLEES (HOMOSEXUALS)

  In addition to Cowboys, Chocolate Faces

  and Redindians, US and A has more

  homosexuals than any other country

  in world (apart of course from France).

  And just like in Kazakhstan after the

  Tulyakev Reforms, it very hard to spot

  them - they do not have to wear blue

  hats and even more confusmgs, some

  homosexuals in US and A has no

  moustache!

  I cannot tell you for certains how to recognizing loolee-loolees in US and A, all I can do is telling what I have learn of them

  • Many of them advertises their services

  in public lavolatones - if there is telephone number on a walls there from a man offering mouth-party for 5 dollar,

  then that man is probably homosexual (if his name Brett and his number is

  (466) 555-0306, then he is Definitely

  a homosexual).

  • It is legal for homosexuals in US and A to drive

  Can you believe it - these men is actual homosexuals despite their moustaches and strong muskles.

  This is the motorcar that homosexuals drives in US and A.

  motorcars between

  hours of 4 pm

  and 7 pm. American Freeways has a special lane for them which is mark by a diamond shape. You will see them togetner in vehicles here, driving to edge of forest to make bang bang

  bang in anoos.

  • Homosexuals in US and A clean their teeths every single day with a small brush.

  • Some famous homosexuals American men includes Spiderman, Ronald Micdonalds

  and Madonna.

  • Most common names of homosexual in US and A is Marshall, Curtis and Sean.

  •THE JEW

  If you thinking it hard to recognizings homosexual in US and A, spottmgs a jew is even more difficult, in America, there is no jewtown and there is not even a jew curlew! Also plastics surgeons in US and A is very clever and many jew has had their horns removed so that cannot even tell. All I can do is give you some signs of how to avoiding them.

  in uS and A, there is not even a jew curfew - it near sunset and these ones were roaming free!

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  21S LIS 9 .-j IS AMD 9 X

  A

  There is shops in US and A where jews come to have their claws removed.

  •Jews have spread across entire of US and A -the places vou is most likely to be safe from them is A la ba mas, Alaska and New York City.

  • It true that jews in US and A controls the media - one day as experiment I buy 5 American

  newspaper, I look right through all of them and did not see one single anti-semitics article!

  • Some famous American jews includes Ted Bundy, Lex Luther, Pol Pot and Simon Coweiis.

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  **■••■■ ^~

  M^SC

  171 ABA

  SECTOR OF VOLUME

  BocxMTiiTe/ibHbie AAueshe npoAyKTbi mcA h A

  DELICIOUS FOODS OF US AND A

  US and A is home to the most delicious food in the whole worl
d - a type of meat

  cake name 'hamboorger'. You have

  probably hear that they is favourite food

  of popstar Elvis Persley and that he eat

  them every day. Well, it not just him -

  Americans is so rich that everybody just eat

  these dehcous 'hamboorger' each day,

  Perhaps you have see a photograph of one

  - you may even have visit the hamboorger

  owned by Premier Nazarbamshev, which

  is on display in National Museum of

  Kazakhstan in Almaty? Well, let me

  telling you more on them.

  Hamboorgers is make from a cow wh 0

  is shot to death in her face with metal bolt, then they hang her from machine

  and slice open belly so her msides are

  fall out, then other machine rip off skin, and meat is crush up and mix with the best

  bits of the animal brain and testes and feet and stomach and eyes and anoos, and then it cooked in delicious hot greases from inside of other dead animal and place inside a vagme made from bread. They is availables from restaurants which have location all over US and A - my favourites is name Micdonalds, which are so fancypants that they actual have a separate room for you to go to if you need to make a shit!. I count 17 of these restaurant 'Micdonals', but my friend Azamat Bagatov say there is actually twice this number.